she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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