I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
