His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
