I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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