I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
