I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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