Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
