i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
