Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
