She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
