doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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