Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
