I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
