it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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