I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
