TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
