Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize