Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
