dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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