I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm so fucking centered right now
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are a genius and a whore.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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