Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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