it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
