My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
