I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
