You surviving the open bar?
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He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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