Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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