Someone shit on the floor
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
