I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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