You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
