I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
