Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
