you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
