It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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