he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize