Define "chronic" masturbator.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize