worst night to have a conscience
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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