He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
