The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
