I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
