you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
