party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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