It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Still dying that you shit outside
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize