Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
