My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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