we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
