I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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