he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
