I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
