New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
