I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
