NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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