I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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