And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
