We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
