I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Randomize
