look no pants
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
