someone owes me an orgasm
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
