once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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