Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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