woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
