So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
