I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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