Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
