i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize