They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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