I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
