Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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