if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
