That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize