Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
