The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
