oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
