throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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