Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This toilet bowl is my home.
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