dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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