he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
