did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
