I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is Oprah even human
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
