I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
