Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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