I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
