I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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