youre lurking in front of me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
