i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize