Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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