is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
