Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
