I need to stop coming to work sober
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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