You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
