I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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