What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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