what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
