u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize